


The Reconstruction of Rome

by M14Mouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 13,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6318265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M14Mouse/pseuds/M14Mouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Building Rome.  Rebuilding a friendship is hard work especially when dealing angels, demons, brothers, deaths, and most of all, life.  Castiel and Sam seem to manage one step at a time.  Takes Place during Season 10 but flashbacks for Season 6-9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own them.

Chapter 1: Building Blocks

_“Sam…stay,” A voice said softly._

Sam didn’t want to stay. He wanted to curl up into a ball. He wanted to drift into the darkness to escape the pain. He felt that his whole side was on fire. That was saying something. He has been a chew toy for Michael and Lucifer. He has been bleed out, bones broken, skin burn and tore, bruises, cuts and everything in between. 

He just grasped and let out a scream as he held his arm close to him. 

_“Sam…stay, please,” The voice insisted again._

He didn’t want to stay. He wanted to kill the demon that messed up his shoulder. He wanted kill Crowley. He wanted to find the demon that is in his brother’s body and kill it too while he was at it. 

_“Please….”_

He forced his eyes open to focus on the voice. 

Castiel. 

Cas was still here and he looked like crap. 

While he was slowly dying on the inside, Cas seemed to have taken the other way. He noticed scratches and bruises on his face. He noticed that Cas is coughing a little more. It took him longer to get up. He moved just a little slower. 

They were dying men. 

“Stay awake, Sam. Just a little while long. They are coming.” Cas said. 

“Don’t,” He said. 

Cas shook his head. 

“This injury is too serious for you or me. You require medical assistance.” 

He wanted to argue. He wanted the recurrence presence of his brother.  
He should know better not to want anything. 

It only turned into ash. 

-SPNSPN-

Castiel watched Sam drifted from various states of awareness. He wished that he still had his powers to heal his friend. He wished that he had his powers period. Many things he had learned over the years. Having and wishing are too different things with two very different results. 

Most of all, Castiel regretted. 

Every time, he killed one of his brothers. All of those souls that he dragged out of hell. Every time, he goes down to Earth in order to fix one of Raphael’s messes. For longest…everytime, he saw Sam. 

There was the wall and then there was the angel. The list went on and on. 

He remembered when he saw Sam after his soul returned from the Cage. 

Sam looked almost peaceful sleeping on the cot if he ignored the IV hanging beside him. It was something that his soulless counterpart never did. He would be constantly doing something. Cleaning weapons…entertaining female companions…working on a hunt. Once upon a time, he would watch Sam and Dean sleeping. He could almost hear Dean call him a creepy. 

It wasn’t creepy. 

It gave him comfort. 

At the time, he hoped that his presence would ease Sam’s soul and maybe, his own guilt. 

He placed his hand on Sam’s soul. If he could vomit, he would. He felt its pain….horrible…horrible pain. He took Dean’s soul out hell. He knew pain…but this…this was different. It almost made him weep. 

He did this. 

He left it there. 

He dragged Sam’s body out of hell but he left his soul to Lucifer. 

Sam should have never called him friend. 

He didn’t deserve the term. 

He tried to offer Sam’s soul some comfort. Anything…but he couldn’t. 

Then he felt the wall. It was pressing against his Grace. He felt twisted and flex but it remained solid. It reminded much of those earthquake resist buildings in Japan. They would shift with the currents of the Earth. 

But under enough stress…that too would crumb. 

Much like Sam’s wall…

He sighed as he pulled his hand out of Sam’s body. 

A part of him was angry at Dean. The damage to Sam’s soul is irreparable. When the wall falls down…and it will, Sam will be truly broken. Another part of him shouldn’t be because he had success where he refused to trend. Dean fought for his brother’s soul and won. 

But Dean wasn’t a perfect man. 

He remembered pushed the door and Dean was there. The expression of worry covered Dean’s face. His entire body language screamed it. 

“His soul is in place,” He said as he rolled down his sleeves. 

“Is he ever going to wake up?” Dean asked…almost begged. 

“I’m not a human doctor, Dean.” 

“Can you take a guess?” 

“Okay…Probably not,” He said angrily as he turned around. Sam’s body has been through a lot. Dean’s unreasonable expectations were draining on him. 

“Well, don’t sugar coat.”

“Well, I am sorry, Dean but I warned you about putting that thing back inside of him.”

“What was I suppose to do?! Let T-1000 walk and hope it didn’t open fire!” 

A rush of anger burst out of him. He couldn’t help it as he approached Dean. 

“Let me tell you…what his soul felt like…when I touched it…like it has been skinned alive, Dean! If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it out right.” 

Briefly, Dean’s eyes dropped to the ground. He knew that it was in shame. He willed himself away. 

Dean had nothing to compare to…because he had his guilt. 

He shook away those memories. He stared at the man before him. 

Now, he wished that he could do the same. He watched this man slowly crumbled inside. He was still amazed by Sam’s strength. He refusing to back down and let to go of his “brother” or Crowley. 

Sam will recover. He won’t fall. 

Even with his fading powers…neither will he. 

End of Building Blocks

Next Chapter: Tweet Me


	2. Tweet Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam explains twitter and other social media to Castiel.

Sam’s eyes darted back and forward as Castiel frantically talk on the cellphone. He wanted to say something. He wanted to get up but he couldn’t. He just didn’t have the strength for it. It was kind of funny. Once upon a time, Cas was terrible with them. He remembered an entire conversation was focused on Twitter, text talk, and smile faces. 

_“What is this Twitter?” Castiel asked as he stared at his phone._

_Sam blinked up from his book and stared at Cas. What brought this on? He knew that Cas understood pop culture references now. Thanks to their old friend but the question was…kind of random._

_“Well…it is a place on the internet that allows you to send messages to others, share your thoughts, and send pictures in 140 characters or less,” He said._

_“Why 140 characters?”_

_He shrugged._

_“I have no idea. Maybe, to cut down the chatter…let people say what they really want to say. Of course, there are ways to get around. Some people can ramble on and on. They just use the enter key more,” He said._

_“Hmmm…do you have twitter?” Cas asked._

_“Tried it. I could never keep up with it. No, I had Facebook for a time. I had to drop that for numerous reasons as you know.”_

_Cas nodded his head as he continued to stare at his phone. A thought popped into his head that caused him to grin._

_“You didn’t sign up for Twitter?” He asked._

_“No. I am trying to figure out these phrases.”_

_“Like?”_

_“LOL.”_

_He covered his hand over his mouth. He was trying really hard not to laugh._

_“What do you think that it means?”_

_“I believe that it may be shortening of a name or word but it does not make sense in the content of the sentence.”_

_He chuckled._

_“No, it means laugh out loud.”_

_“So, they condensed a sentence into a few letters?”_

_He nodded his head._

_“Yes,” He said._

_“OMG?” Cas said as he continued to stare at his phone. It was kind of funny that he was trying to figure out the internet and social media. His brother’s idea would probably involve porn._

_His brother’s answer to everything was porn or pie._

_“It means oh, my goodness or oh my god.”_

_“And this…ROTFLMAO?”_

_“Roll on the floor laughing my ass off,” He said._

_Cas looked up from the phone and stared at him like he suddenly became a hydra. He really tried hard not to laugh._

_Really hard._

_Until he couldn’t anymore, he started to laugh._

_“You find this funny?”_

_“It is hilarious, Cas. You have to understand. Humans like short cuts. Sure, we can type that out but it is easier just to shorten up a little.”_

_“Do you use them?”_

_“Not all of the time. Dean used them more than me. Once, he spent the entire day, sending me nothing more than short handed texts. Some of them, I had to look up on the internet to figure out what he was saying,” He chuckled._

_“That would be maddening,” Cas said._

_“It was.”_

_“But you know what else is maddening…this smile face creatures with their tongues and weird sunglasses.”_

_He didn’t want to start laughing again but he felt his eyes starting to burn._

_“It is another way that people show emotions in short form.”_

_“It is disconnecting.”_

_“It is the internet.”_

_Cas stared at the phone and started to hit some buttons. He grinned slightly before going back to work. A few minutes later, Cas broke the silence._

_“Sam?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I think that I have joined Twitter.”_

He did laugh that day. And the following days, Cas discovered texts and emoticons. 

It was funny. It was a good memory. He needed a good one. He couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Right now, he just didn’t feel like laughing. 

End to Tweet Me

Next Chapter: Road to Somewhere


	3. Road to Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wished that he could make the ambulance go faster.

Castiel wished that he could make the ambulance go faster. It was impossible slow and loud. It was rather annoying if you asked him. It wasn’t helping Sam. He could see it in his body language. Sam wasn’t reacting. He was still and staring into space. He wasn’t reacting to the EMT’s questions. He could tell that Sam was lost in his head again. Perhaps, it was memories of Dean or the hunt that went wrong. 

He wished that he could reach out and take it away. 

He knew the consequences of that. 

Instead of laying his hand on Sam’s head, he placed his hand on Sam’s arm. 

“Sam.” 

Nothing. 

“Sam.” 

“Sir, I am going to ask you sit back and let us work.” 

He wanted to protest. He wanted to scream that he wasn’t doing anything either but that was unhelpful. He moved away from Sam and stared. 

He felt…helpless. 

It wasn’t the first time. It won’t be the last but it’s unsettling feeling that he couldn’t shake. 

He did something that he hasn’t done in a long time. 

He prayed and remembered. 

“Castiel…uhh…I’m back. If you got a minute.” 

He knew that he shouldn’t come. He should ignore it like the million times that Sam’s soulless counterpart called his name. 

But Sam’s voice made him ache because he knew that it was different. He knew that he would be facing a different Sam. It was one that was whole. 

Much like a winter’s snow melting for the first time, the coldness in his voice was gone. It was replaced with a warm and hesitant that he sorely missed. 

Sam was looking around in the room when he appeared. 

“Sam…It is so good to see you alive,” He said.

“Ya…you too.” 

He approached Sam. He didn’t know what to do or how to properly greet him. Maybe, if he did what Bobby and Dean did on rare occasions…he leaned over to hug him.

“I would hug you but…”

“But it would be awkward, I know.”

“I just was talking to Bobby and he told me what happened.” 

“Quite frankly, I am surprised that you survived. I was begging Dean not to do it.”

“No, of course, I understand that.”

“I am surprised that it didn’t kill you.” 

“Ya..it is a miracle.” 

“How does it feel?”

“To have your soul back, of course.” 

“Because I was walking around with no soul.” 

He may have trouble reading expressions but he knew…just knew. 

“Real good, Cas…real good.” 

He knew that he gave the wrong answer that day. 

He sighed as he broke away from the memory. It wasn’t a painful one or even a dark one. It made him ache for different reasons. It was a different time and place. There was Dean and Bobby during that time. 

He missed them both for the reason that they could reach Sam when he couldn’t. 

His friend was slipping away and he couldn’t stop it. 

End of Road to Somewhere

Next Chapter: Those Burning Questions


	4. Those Burning Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has questions and Cas has answers…if he shares them

Sam liked the stars. 

When he was younger, it was the one of those constant things in his life. He could look up and name them…point out where they were…make pictures with them. Nowadays, they give him a sense of a freedom. When the hotel room or bar felt too tight against his skin, he would step out and just breathe. 

He remembered the Wall. 

This feeling was a fairly new thing. Sure, sometimes, being the Impala for a long time felt that way but it has been happening much more often. 

He felt something pressed against his skull. He winced and forced his eyes close. This Wall in his head was driving him crazy. Most of the time, it didn’t bother him but sometimes, there were moments that it was just…there.

_“You shouldn’t touch it,” A familiar voice said behind him._

_“I don’t mean to, you know. What are you doing here, Cas?” He said as he turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder._

_Cas looked the same as he always did. Coat and all…_

_“I was visiting Dean but he was…busy.”_

_A small grin formed on his face._

_“…Was it porn?”_

_“No…it was one of those commercial…with the oddly shaped device between a woman’s thighs. It was awkward to watch.”_

_He laughed softly. He didn’t know that they made Thigh Master anymore._

_“I bet. What brings you here, Cas? Is everything alright?”_

_“As well as I can be. Raphael is strangely quiet right now. It is disconnecting.”_

_“We felt the same way when demons went quiet.”_

_Then he felt it. It was the familiar pressure of the Wall against his skull._

_“Stop that.”_

_“I am not trying to poke at you know. Sometimes, it just happens…it just overwhelm me.”_

_He felt Cas’s eyes drill into him. He didn’t need to turn around to know what look Cas was giving him._

_Pity._

_He didn’t want pity. He got them enough from his brother…even if Dean shouldn’t. He knew where he was going when he jumped. Consequences would be damned._

_“I am sorry.”_

_“You have nothing to be sorry for.”_

_“I should have…”_

_He waved his hand to stop him from talking._

_“Cas, not very many people can get into hell much less the cage. I don’t blame you.”_

_“You should.”_

_He tilted his head to get better look at him. It was strange to see him so weighed down._

_“I blame no one.”_

_“I knew, Sam. I knew what condition your soul would be in. I…am sorry.”_

_“If you got my soul…would you be able to repair it? Make a wall like Death did.”_

_A weighted silence fell between them. He returned his attention to the stars. He didn’t want to interrupt his thinking. He already knew the answer but sometimes…he has to let Cas figure it out._

_“I don’t know. Father brought me back with more power than before. Sometimes, I felt just as powerless as I was when I was almost human.”_

_He reached over and gently squeezed Cas’s shoulder._

_“Don’t be. Don’t let Raphael get you down either. You will win.”_

_“Thank you. Your words of encouragement are quite helpful while Dean’s words are more peculiar.”_

_He laughed. He almost wanted to know what Dean said….almost.  
“I can imagine.” _

As they rolled him out of the ambulances, he caught a glimpse of the stars. Under the blazing lights and mindless talking, he could breathe again. They were there. It was familiar to him as the Impala. Briefly, he wondered if Demon Dean was looking at the stars too. 

End

Next Chapter; Coming from the West


	5. Coming from the West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Castiel sits in the waiting room, he watched a Western…and he remembers.

Castiel decided that he did not like waiting rooms. 

As an angel, he didn’t need to wait. He could just focus and was there. Even the centuries of inactiveness, he wasn’t waiting. He was watching humanity pass by or following the orders of his supervisors. 

It was never a boring endeavor but this was tedious.

This? This waiting was…too much. It seemed endless. It seemed to make time drag. He has looked at the clock numerous times and the hands seemed to have stopped. Sure, there were things to suppose to make time pass by faster. There were magazines about the latest diets that didn’t work and some strange focus on a woman called Kim. There were other people, of course. He felt them lost in their own thoughts like him. 

But he found his thoughts to be crowded. He was lost in the memory of past, the present, and the future. He found that those memories offer him nothing. There was no peace of mind in them. 

Just a sense of sadness. 

He glanced over at the television hanging on the wall. He tilted his head slightly to see something familiar playing on the screen. 

It was one of those westerns that Dean was so fond of. 

He remembered the first time that he watched a western. He was still injured from the confrontation and the brothers were recovering from their trip back in time. The brothers decided that it would be a good time to watch a movie. He does not remember how they picked this movie. He looked forward to it. 

He believed that it was called Little Big Man. Sam insisted on it because he didn’t want to see the one with the monkey. Dean gave Sam a look and expressed that there was nothing wrong with the monkey. This conversation quickly collapse into a contest of brotherly bickering. He was quite confused by the monkey. From he gathered about these westerns, it had a common theme of the conquest of the unknown, saddles, horses, and small dusty towns. The heroes were clearly marked with their white hats and the villains with their black hats. 

The good always won and the bad guys always lost. The plot was predictable but he could see its…charm. 

But for the awhile, he was confused about the monkey. It was a very uncommon and usual theme in a western. 

_“No, Dean,” Sam said as he threw popcorn at his brother._

_“Cas asked!” Dean as he threw the popcorn back at Sam._

_“I’m preventing you from causing an angel undue pain.”_

_“It isn’t that bad. Honestly, you have seen worse.”_

_“Don’t remind me.”_

_“And it is better than your documentaries.”_

_Sam sighed._

_“No one makes you watch them, Dean. I clearly remembering your love for Shark Week,” Sam said._

_“Shark Week is different,” Dean argued back._

_“No, it isn’t.”_

_“Yes, it is. You can’t argue against the sharks, Sammy.”_

_“There is nothing wrong with documentaries or sharks,” He said._

_As much as the conversation was amusing, the brothers could do this all day. He wanted to watch the movie._

_Sam smiled at him before turning his attention back to Dean._

_“See?” Sam added._

_Dean mumbled something about sharks doesn’t count. Sam just laughed as they settled in to watch the movie._

_He was right. It followed the typical plot of a western. It was enjoyable. Although, he was curious about the monkey which made Dean laughed and Sam groaned to himself._

“Family for Sam Winchester?” A nurse’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts and away from the television. 

Quickly, he stood to his feet. He glanced over at the screen. He treasured those moment with the brothers. 

He must steel his heart for now. He had to make sure that Sam got better. And most of all, he has to prepare himself for the future. 

He would have to kill “Dean” even if it is a mask of one. The acting of killing him doesn’t hurt any less. He just wished that it was over for his sake and Sam’s. 

End of Coming from the West

Next Chapter: Dawn of Eve


	6. Dawn of Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wakes up to silence.

When Sam first woke, it was only for a second. 

He saw a flash of light and then heard mumbling of noise. Maybe, a slight beep…he wasn’t sure before he drifted off again. 

The next time, he woke up. Everything was blurry. He couldn’t be sure but he could have sworn someone was talking to him. He turned his head toward the noise and gave it a look. He wanted to say something but his mouth didn’t seem to want to work. 

“Mr. Picho, it is okay. You are safe.” A female voice said. 

He almost wanted to laugh. Safe? There is no safe. Safe was gone. Safe only happened if you are dead…or your last name isn’t Winchester.

“Mr. Picho, you need to calm down. Mr. Picho….” 

As he drifted back into darkness, he would almost like to point to the voice that he was already calm. 

The next time, he awoke, the room was dark. The only light was from the beeping machines and a street light filtering through the curtains. 

He was in a hospital…again. His mind flickered to the incident that landed him here. Poor Cas…he hoped that his friend alright. He is going to apologize to him for the mess that he dragged him into. 

Suddenly, he heard a door open. He blinked for a moment to watch a brown-haired nurse entered the room. He watched as she goes to the computer to the left side of his room. He watched as her fingers dance along the keyboard. 

“Everything looks good, Sam,” A familiar voice said. 

He gave the nurse a strange look. Why did the nurse call him by his first name? She did look a little familiar. 

“Then again, you Winchesters had all of the luck. You both got sent to Hell. Then you two came back. Sent to heaven and come back. Your brother went to Purgatory and then back. It almost like no one wants you,” The nurse said. 

His eyes widened as he saw her face come into view. It was Eve dressed in a nurse outfit. 

“Or…you are too important to throw away,” Eve said thoughtfully before she tilted her head to look at him.

“Eve…what in the..?” He said as the words tumbled out of his mouth. They killed her…Dean killed her. Why is she…?

“Oh, silly. Don’t worry too much. I’m all in your head. I got to say…it crowded in there, Sammy,” She said with a smile. 

“Don’t call me that,” He said in confusion. 

Why is he thinking of her? She had no place in his head. 

“Only Dean got to call you that, I know. Dean isn’t here anymore. He is playing demon now. I always thought that he would be a good one. I thought that he was would make a good child of mine too.” 

“Shut up,” He snapped. 

“But…you know what I always thought of, Sam. I thought of you as a lost little lamb to slaughter…but you kept surprising me. You are the unknown…some what like your brother. Everything that was supposed happen…doesn’t. I wondered if his plan all along. It bothered me for a time but now, it amused me. Because you are now Crowley’s problem…I think that you will be. A big one,” She said with amusement. 

He stared at her.

“Would you like to hear my suggestion?” She said with a smile. 

“I’m not my brother. I’m not going to feed into your desire to talk so much,” He snapped. 

He knew that his head was messed up. He wasn’t sure that it was that bad. Of course, it could be worst. It could be Lucifer again. 

She laughed. 

“You’re cute. Your brain never shuts up, Sammy. So, I’m going to tell you this. Stop chasing shadows and start going to chasing the source.” 

“I already tried going after Crowley and his demons. They have been running away from me,” He said in frustration. 

He couldn’t pin down any demon to get a hold of Crowley but once, he does…

“Perhaps, you should go after them a different way. Give them what they wanted most,” She said as she adjusted his sheet. 

A soul…they wanted souls. So, he would have to give them most tempering soul that he could find. 

“That is a smart boy that I know,” She said as she patted his cheek. 

“Why are you helping me…even in my head…you aren’t friendly type,” He said to Eve. 

Eve hated him like most of the creatures they have faced. 

“I hate you but I hate Crowley more. Now, it is time for sleep. Your angel friend is waiting…Angels…even ex-ones are so impatient.” She said as she put a needle in his arm.

His world become blurry again and he drifted off to sleep.

-SPNSPN-

When he woke again, he saw a familiar pair of blue eyes starting at him. 

“Sam?” Cas said softly

“Hey, Cas,” He said.

End of Dawn of Eve

Next Chapter: The Green Jello


	7. The Green Jello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel discusses the benefits of the Green Jello and Sam just wants to get out.

Castiel stared at the cup of green jello. Sam finished up his lunch but the cup of green jello remained. He picked up the cup and tilted the cup sideways and watched the lumps of it slide to the side. 

“I do not understand why you avoid the green jello. It consisted of the same ingredients as the other jellos.”

Sam chuckled softly then made a face. He watched as Sam shifted uncomfortable in the bed. 

“It has nothing to do with color, Cas. It has to do with taste. The fact that they add fruit makes even worse,” Sam said. 

“So, you are saying that if the jello was red that you would eat it with the fruit?” He asked. 

“Well…no.” 

He tilted his head and frowned. 

“Why not? From what I have seen, you like fruit.” 

“I have no problem with fruit in jello. You don’t know how it has been sitting there, Cas.” 

“I believe that it has been sitting there for same length of time as the other food,” He said. 

He didn’t understand why Sam was so against the jello. He believed that the jello has done Sam no harm at all. 

“No, Cas. You see jello can be left in the fridge for days. The fruit just sits on the bottom if you put it in so soon. After a while, the fruit becomes the taste of the jello. I don’t like it,” Sam said. 

“But it still has victims and nutrients that will aid in your recovery.” 

“I’m planning on signing myself out,” Sam said in protest. 

He frowned and stared at him. 

“No, you are not.” He said angrily. 

He watched Sam put himself through a great deal of stress. His powers may be fading but he wasn’t blind to effects of their journey to find Dean. He knew the weight loss and lack of sleep have been trying on Sam’s body. Maybe, the time in the hospital will help Sam gather his strength back if he could keep him there. 

He strongly expected that he would have to sit on him. 

“Yes, I am. I can’t stay here. Dean is out there and he could be…” 

“I realize that. I will keep my “eyes” open as you like to call it,” He said. 

“Ears…” Sam said with a small smile. 

He blinked for a moment. He thought that he said that. He shook his head and forced himself to continue 

“Neither of you or me is at our strongest. We need to be to fight the demon. It will be ruthless and uncaring. He will take any weakness and destroy you,” He said. 

“I know that, Cas….” Sam said with a sigh.

He watched as Sam’s body sink into the body. 

“I will stay until they fit me for my brace then I’m out of here,” Sam added. 

He nodded his head. He knew that asking for more would be too much. 

“You still should eat the jello, Sam” He said as he looked down at the cup. 

“You can eat it, Cas because I’m not,” Sam said.

He nodded as he took a spoon from Sam’s dining tray. He dipped the spoon in the jello and took out a spoon full. He opened his mouth and tilted his head as he ate it. He saw nothing wrong with it. 

“I like it.”

Sam chuckled. 

“You would.” 

“You know what I like more?” 

“Beside coffee and Twitter?” 

“Yes…more than them.”

“What is it?” 

“Board games.” 

End of The Green Jello

Next Chapter: Crossroads.


	8. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel standing at a crossroad…thinking what in the world do they go from here?

Sam shifted his arm uncomfortable in the sling. Cas was driving him to the Bunker and he hated it. The doctor said that he could drive but not for another week. Still….

When he broke his arm, he thought that the cast was uncomfortable. No, this is sling felt like a noose around his neck. It made his neck itch and it was like a hot bandage around his neck. He wanted to rip thing off and run away. 

But he couldn’t.

Especially since Cas was giving him the look if he tried to run away, he would tie him to the bed. 

He didn’t want that. 

Beside, Cas actually starting to look better. He could still see the black circles under his eyes and pale skin on his face. He wasn’t coughing as much. He knew that he was putting his friend though a lot. 

“Are you well, Sam? Do I need to shake the orange bottle?” Cas’s voice broke him from his thoughts. 

“No…I’m fine. Just thinking,” He said. 

“I should ask for a penny for them but I believe that saying is ridiculous.” 

He laughed a little.

“I was thinking about what we should do next.”

“There is no we, Sam. You are going to rest,” Cas said. 

“No, I can’t rest. Not with De…the demon running around,” He said. 

He can’t imagine what the demon was doing to Dean’s body. It made him want to punch something just thinking about it. 

“I understand but Sam…you need time to recover. Pushing yourself into ruin will not help you or find the demon.”

He understood where Cas was coming from. He couldn’t stop. He just couldn’t. Dean didn’t when he was under the control of a demon. He wasn’t about to leave that thing in his brother. 

“I’m just going back to the bucker to research for now. I promise to call if something comes up,” He said. 

Cas tilted his head slightly to stare at him. He knew what Cas was trying to do. Whatever, Cas was looking for…he found it because he turned his head back around.

“Hannah called me and required my assistance. I don’t know how much that I can help but I will try,” Cas said. 

He almost wanted to smile. As much as Cas wanted to say that there is nothing going on between the two. He knew better. They were something going on but they don’t see it or won’t see it. 

He wasn’t going touch that situation with a ten foot pole. 

“If you need any help, you know that I’m a phone call away,” He said. 

“I know. The same goes for you. I don’t plan to leave right away. You need substance and make sure that you take your medicine.” 

He almost wanted to laugh. It was like Dean talking. There was an ache in his heart from the thought alone. He would play nice for now. He had to find Dean. He just had too. He just wait until Cas left. He would be safe with the other angels. 

He couldn’t lose another friend. 

He just couldn’t…

End of Crossroads 

Next Chapter: Phone Tag


	9. Phone Tag

_I can not come to the phone right now. I am probably watching the videos with the dancing cats or Twitter. I will get back to you soon as possible._

He chuckled softly at Cas's new message. It was better than the last one.

"Cas…this is me, checking in. I hope that you are feeling better. No leads on Dean yet. Hope to talk to you soon," He said as he stared down at some book. He couldn't remember what it was about. He just thought it would be interesting since it had Hell in the title. So far, it gave detailed account of a hellhound which he didn't need.

He needed more.

He pressed the end button before closing this book and moving onto the next book

_This is Sam…leave a message. Beep_

"Sam, I wanted you to know that I have heard your message. I hope that your shoulder is well and you are taken care of yourself. You are also eating which you seemed to be lacking in doing. You are also showering and not overworking yourself. I am well as I can be. Hannah has helped me greatly. It has been interesting experience…to be sick. I have been cold and hungry. I have suffered numerous of injuries and many bruises. I have been covered in many substances like ice cream and blood. I have been wet and hot. I found being sick…as you put it…sucks. My body aches and my nose is congested. One moment, I am hot then I am cold. I believe that I can't hear out one of my ears. I am dizzy and my sight feels tilted…"

Beep.

He stared at the phone and frowned.

He wasn't finished.

_I can not come to the phone right now. I am probably watching the videos with the dancing cats or Twitter. I will get back to you soon as possible._

"No word on Dean. My shoulder is fine by the way. The doctor wanted to wear the brace for a little while longer. I'm still researching. I learned way too much about hell than I ever thought. Call you soon."

_This is Sam…leave a message. Beep_

_"Sam, are you eating? Are you taking your medications? Have you been visiting the doctor?"_

Beep.

"I told you, Cas…my shoulder is fine. I'm eating…when I can. I have been busy. Don't worry."

_I am probably watching the videos with the dancing cats or Twitter._

"Sam…you are not answering my calls. You are not too busy to eat. You need to eat and sleep. I am worried."

_Leave a message._

"Cas…I'm fine. I have an idea. A plan…really. I'm not sure if it is going to work but it worth a try. So, you might not hear from me for awhile"

_I will get back to you soon as possible._

"Sam…Sam…what are you doing? Sam…please…do not do something dangerous or stupid or possible both. Please…."

_Leave a message._

"Sam…Sam…Sam…pick up the phone…Sam!"

Beep

End of Phone Tag

Next Chapter: Sayings


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tells Cas what happens. Cas has time to question metaphors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

_This is Sam…leave a message. Beep_

"Sam…it has been days. Please, can you pick up the phone to know to at least know that you are alive and well. I will…" Castiel said with a sigh.

He knew that he couldn't do anything. He had weakened more since he left Sam. Even with Hannah's help, it may not be enough.

"I will come back. As Dean would say…I will become a feathered pain in the ass. I…" He said as he pulled the phone away from his face.

His fingers pressed against his nose and rubbed it. He felt his head started to pound. He knew what he felt coming on was a headache. He has suffered many of these since joining Winchesters…both as a metaphor and quite tangible.

He wished that Sam would pick up the phone. He wished that a demon wasn't walking around in Dean's body. He wished that his body wasn't failing him so. He wished that he didn't leave Sam. What was that saying? Wishes were like stars. Empty, cold, and useless…and oh, plentiful.

_Beep._

He pushed the end button. Perhaps, he should text him. No…Sam is unlikely to answer them especially if he is lost in his thoughts or in danger. On second thought…perhaps, he should text him. Maybe, it would arouse a response from Sam. Perhaps, he would text back.

What is the other saying? Oh, like pigs could fly.

He frowned. Technically, pigs could fly if they on an airplane or another form of flying apparatus. He shook his head and sighed. He pressed his fingers against the buttons to send the text.

_Please, Sam…call me._

-SPNSPN-

He heard his phone shake from his nightstand. He stumbled out of the bed to get it. It could be Sam. It had to be or he was going to hit something or collapse. He wasn't quite sure what his body would do. He flipped open the phone.

"Sam?" He said into the phone.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said softly.

He felt his fingers pressed against his nose again. There were so many things that he wanted to say. He wanted to ask where Sam was and how he has been. But…he knew better.

"Sam." He said again.

"I'm fine. I just…fine." Sam said softly.

He wanted to say that Sam wasn't well. He sounded tired.

"Sam…"

"I…my plan didn't work."

"What happened?"

"I was able to get a crossroad demon. I was planning to drag Dean out of hiding. It didn't work."

He pulled the phone away for a moment then frowned slightly.

"Sam…how did you get a crossroad demon to come out?"

"An idiot at a bar…It still didn't work, Cas. She knew nothing about Dean. No matter how much information that I tried to drag out of her, she told me nothing. Crowley got everyone on locked down. It's back to drawing board." Sam said.

Sam sounded tired. Most tired that before. He wished…he sighed to himself. He couldn't do much from where he was.

"Cas…are you okay?" Sam asked.

"I'm…weakening." He said.

"Hannah hasn't been able to help?"

"No, Hannah has been a great help but all of the solutions that we have came up with so far have been temporary."

"I haven't seen anything when I have been going through the books."

He blinked in surprise.

"You have been looking?" He asked.

"Of course. You are my friend, Cas. I can't just let you…you are family. I can't just you go without a fight," Sam said.

He felt his heart tightened in his chest. This is why he fell those many years ago. He fell because he believed in the Winchesters. They had a measure of faith in him as well.

He felt something out of the corner of his eye. Hmm…this is must what they call sinuses.

"Thank you, Sam…you sound tired. Perhaps, you should rest." He said.

"Okay…Okay…you too, okay? You don't sound too hot yourself."

"I will. Good-bye."

"Bye."

He pulled away from the phone and shut it off.

What was the other saying?

The road to hell was pace in good intentions. He just hoped that Sam didn't walk that path but he knew that Sam would do anything for his brother. God knew that he may not be able to stop.

He might walk that same path with him.

End of Saying

Next Chapter: Mark from the Beginning


	11. Mark from the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tells Castiel the news about Dean. Cas does some reflecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

_Dean is a demon._

Castiel's mind tried to progress that thought over and over again. It wasn't just a demon. Dean is a demon.

_There isn't a demon inside of him. The Mark turned him into a demon, Cas._

Dear god…

Some part of him wanted to rage against it. It wasn't fair but…

He knew that it was a possible. Cain himself was turned into a demon. He always thought that it was Lucifer's influence and power. Maybe, it was both. Lucifer was a fallen angel bend on the destruction of man. Lucifer wouldn't limit himself to just torture. He had other means.

He felt a slight shiver run through his body. He had Sam's memories of his time in the cage. It was nothing like Dean's memories.

When he rescued Dean from hell, he touched his memories of his time there. While Dean's memories were a give and take, there were long moments of torture on the rack. Those memories were followed by Dean being the torturer. He would get flashes of knives, whips, and chains. There were memories that he dare never to speak to Dean about. Dean knew that he knew. It was an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't talk about it with him or Sam.

He respected that.

Sam's memories were much like puzzles of torture, hallucinations, and mind games. He had no idea how Sam was able to move and think when the wall came down. In his arrogance, he really thought that he would stop Sam and Dean. He made a mistake of their will and their drive. Now…looking back on it, it left him awe. Dean for his will to fight and Sam will to give…to stand up. Those times left him with much regret and guilt about Sam's soul. Sam didn't deserve it. He made his excuses many times for his behavior back then. He said that he was doing it for them…to protect them.

He was such a fool.

While Dean had trouble with those times, Sam didn't. Sam just stared at him and said that he has been in his shoes. Dean carried him away from that edge…he said he tried to do the same for him. He did. He heard his prayers over the millions. Never angry…foolishly hopeful. Sam has forgiven him for his actions but sometimes, he couldn't.

He remembered what he done to his brothers and sisters…to his friends…to the countless souls. He remembered a quote once that he read…no, he put into his head. Or maybe, he did read it.

_From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed._

He sighed as he shook his head.

He had to get his head together. He knew that Sam needed him. He couldn't let Sam face Dean alone especially in his condition. The demon would take Sam apart. He would not allow that to happen.

He won't.

He won't lose another friend.

He won't allow it.

End of Mark from the Beginning

Next Chapter: Wishing are like Stars


	12. Wishes Are Like Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wished that Cas was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

Sam coughed as the smoke fill his lungs. He coughed again and stumbled toward the door…hopefully, where the door was. He could barely make out anything in the smoke fill room. He didn't panic. It was a smoke bomb. There was no fire nearby. He didn't have another source to deal with. The purpose of the bomb was to distract, keep him busy, and most of all, delay him from getting outside. He felt years of experience and those elementary fire drills and hunts starting to kick in. His body started to lower toward the floor. His fingers brushed against the hardwood floor. His mind was already trying to figure out where the exits.

_To your left, there is an exit near the stage. There is a possible exit through the window._

Hmm…it was a possible. They could attack him no matter what exit he took. The door was probably the best bet. He didn't think that he was the target. Dean was. He had to go after Dean. He was definitely ahead of him since…

He coughed.

He shouldn't focus on that. He needed to get to Dean now. He didn't have time to think about what Dean was doing and what he has been doing. He needed to get his brother back to the bunker. He needed to start gathering ingredients for the cure.

He needed to get his head in the game.

He wished that Cas was here.

He knew that he was coming to the bunker Cas couldn't do much since he was sick. God, he needed to look through the books again. He had some leads on that front too. He didn't want to bring up the suggestion of Cas using someone else's grace. It was a temporary solution at best but it would buy the time.

He almost wanted to laugh. He knew Cas's answer before he did.

He was going to say no. He didn't want to hurt his brothers and sisters.

He knew how Cas felt.

While Cas wasn't a Winchester, he was family. His entire family was so damn stubborn. He should know.

Another part wished that Cas wasn't coming. .

He could tell by his voice over the phone that the news broke something within his friend. He knew that Cas and his brother's friendship was different than theirs. A part of him wanted to protect Cas from the sight of Dean.

But a bigger part of him still wished that Cas was here.

It would be nice for him to be here. Not to face Dean alone. His presence kept him grounded the months that Dean was running around as demon. He is forever graceful for it. Sure, he would love to a super powered Cas to burst in, clean out all of the smoke, and grab Dean. They would disappear into the bunker and cure Dean. It would easy.

Instead of laughing, there was coughing.

Easy wasn't his life at all.

He stumbled out the building to see Dean fighting…more like beating crap out of Travis.

His hand reached and pressed against the wood frame. He felt himself cough again.

He wished Cas was here.

But he also knew better. Wishes were like stars…pretty and unreachable.

He guess that is why he was a Winchester….to do the impossible.

It was time to get his brother back.

End of Wishes Are Like Stars

Next Chapter: Million Pieces


	13. Million Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Sam is drinking, Sam and Cas have a conversation after Dean turned back human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own them.

"I believe that is your sixth beer," Castiel said from across the table.

Sam sighed softly as he looked up at his friend. He wasn't quite sure what book Cas was looking at but it couldn't be that interesting since he was paying attention to him.

Maybe, he should have found a bar instead coming back to the bunker but he couldn't leave Dean. Didn't he tell Cas that he was going to get drunk? He didn't understand why Cas was so surprised. He just needed to forget for a moment…a moment to relax before he had to jump right back into it. Sure, he made his brother human again. Right now, Dean was okay. He was busy catching up on his reading…well…he couldn't really call it that but still…

He knew that Dean still had the mark. He had to get rid of it.

Or he would have to go through this again.

He couldn't go through this again. He won't go through again. He will find a way to save Dean.

"I told that I was planning to get drunk, did I?" He said.

"Yes but I believed that you were rational enough not to do it especially given your condition."

"I'm fine, Cas. My arm is getting better."

"I am not talking about your arm. Although, I can sense that it is almost healed and you should be out of the sling in a few weeks. I believed that I also inform Dean that you are to go through physical therapy after the sling is removed."

He groaned softly. First part was good to hear. He hated this thing on his arm. The second part, not so much. He knew that Dean would make him go every single time until the doctor gave the okay.

"But what I speak of is your physical and mental health, Sam. You are exhausted," Cas said.

"I'm fine, Cas…really, I am. Dean is here and human. After I finish this beer, I'm going to bed. I promise," He said.

He didn't want to say that he had a pile of books to go through next to it.

"That means without checking the books that are beside your bed," Castiel said.

"I supposed that you are going to check up on me, huh?"

"Yes."

He really needed to drop this topic. So, he switched to another topic that has been on his mind.

"So, how are you feeling? With your grace back? What are you planning next?" He asked.

"I'm going to search for my grace or find out if there is any of it left. This isn't my grace. It feels…off. Strange….like," Castiel said.

"It is like a shoe that doesn't quite fit. Sometimes, it is like your skin feels too tight or it was an itch that you couldn't scratch. Sometimes, everything was too bright. Sometimes, it was too dark or loud."

Castiel stared at him for a moment then tilted his head.

"Yes, that is…Sam?"

He stared down at his beer bottle and sighed. He wasn't drunk enough for this. Damn it, he never wanted to talk about it. Dean didn't get it. No one really did. God, he felt like that he needed to take a shower.

"Lucifer felt like an endless winter. I was always cold…always burn… Gradeel made me feel like that I was wrong. I was a million pieces of broken glass. I just didn't fit. Nothing fit and I couldn't fix it. And I…"

He cut himself off when he finished up his bottle of beer. He stumbled to his feet.

"I'm going to bed, Cas. Good night," He said as he turned away from his friend.

He knew that Cas wanted to say something else but he was glad that he didn't.

Because he would add that he still felt that way.

He is still broken in a million pieces and still couldn't fix himself back together again.

End of A Million Pieces

Next Chapter: The List


	14. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has a list for Dean. Dean is amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

"Sam has a doctor appointment on the 25th," Castiel stated as Dean cracked an egg into the frying pan.

His eyes glanced over at the calendar to see if there was anything marked.

"Sam will not mark it. I supposed that he is trying to avoid the date. I have no understanding of why. It is an excellent possibility that the doctor will be removing his brace. I supposed that it could be…hmmm," Cas said thoughtfully.

"Could be what?" He said as he scrambled the egg in the frying pan with a fork.

Honestly, he knew that his brother's shoulder was a long story. There will be probably many things that Sam and he needed to talk about it.

"It could be the outcome of returning to your human state."

He had a feeling that was Cas's answer.

"I make a note of the date."

"You will also need to schedule his physical therapy sessions. Despite what Sam said, I believe that the sessions will have benefits for his arm and his health."

He snorted. Since when did Cas turned into such a mother hen….the thought turned his stomach. Probably since that he has been gone, Cas has made sure that Sam didn't go so far off the damn edge.

"Anything else?"

"Yes. I believed that Sam is underweight. Even if his meals are healthy, he doesn't eat enough. I was quite alarmed by the lack of food that he consumed while in the hospital."

"Hospital food sucks. The point of making it awful is that you want to get out of the hospital faster."

Castiel tilted his head slightly.

"I believe the food was adequate. I still believed that Sam needed to eat more."

"Okay…gotcha…Sammy needs more food. I am working on that now," He said as he pointed to the frying pan.

Cas moved from his spot to stand next to him. The guy still didn't understand personal space.

"Sam…doesn't like that much butter in his scrambled eggs."

"These are mine. I can make them the way I wanted. Beside, I know what my brother likes for breakfast," He said.

Cas nodded his head before stepping aside.

"Anything else that you will to share?"

"He has too many books next to his bed. I read somewhere that clutter promotes improper sleeping habits. And his bed is barely adequate. I cannot image it being comfortable for someone of Sam's height."

Okay…he wasn't going to laugh. He told Sam the same thing many months ago but his brother insisted. Maybe, if he brought Cas into the discussion, he might get somewhere with Sam getting himself a new bed. He slipped his scrambled eggs onto a plate before cracking more eggs to start his brother's breakfast.

"And?"

"He doesn't take his pain medicine on time. I tried to set his phone as a reminder but I have a feeling that he does not pay attention to it."

That sounded like his brother alright.

"Oh?"

Cas nodded his head before driving into another thing that he needed to look into. He grinned to himself as he listened to Cas go on and on. It was good that his brother had someone to watch out for him while he was…away.

"And he might need…" Cas said before he cut him off.

"Cas?" He said.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for watching out for Sam."

"I don't believe that I should be thanked at all. Sam is my friend. That is what friends do."

Damn it…no chick flick moment but he couldn't help but smile.

"Still thank you."

"You are welcome."

End of the List

Next Chapter: Musical Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have a soft spot for Cas and Dean mother henning Sam. It is adorable. Thank everyone for their reviews. Anyway, read and review if you wish.


	15. Music Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has to explain to Cas their life in….a musical. He really wished that he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

"Our life as a musical…." Castiel said in confusion.

"Yes…you remember Chunk's books?" Sam said.

"Yes, all of the angels read them. The prophet was quite informative about the both of you even if he liked to...embellish."

He snorted at that choice of word. He read some of Chunk's books and almost groaned at some of the parts.

"Yes, he does. Anyway, a group of high school girls got their hands on it. They decided to…expand."

Cas slowly blinked at him then tilted his head.

"Expand…how?"

"Well…there is singing."

"I believe that the only singing that you and Dean are doing in the Impala or in Dean's case, in the shower."

He didn't want to know how Cas knew that Dean sung in the shower. Sometimes, it is better not to ask.

"It had its own songs that they made for the play expectation being Carry On, My Wayward Son by Kansas."

"I am curious. What songs did they create for this play?"

"A Single Man Tear was one that Dean told me about. I am sure that there were others," He said as he shook his head.

"A Single Man Tear…was that a Dean song?" Castiel asked.

He couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes but…don't tell him that. He didn't take it well."

Castiel smiled slightly.

"I can imagine. Anything else?"

"Supposedly in the next act, we was going to fight aliens and a trip into space."

Cas gave him a look.

"You are not joking."

"Afraid not."

He watched Cas open his mouth then shut it then gave him another look. He didn't need to read thoughts on that what Cas was thinking.

"That would be physical impossible for you to survive in space," Cas said.

"I know that," He said.

"But I have been to space quite a few times. It is lovely especially Pluto. I was disappointed that it isn't a planet anymore."

"You and me both."

"Beside, there are no aliens in this universe," Cas said thoughtfully.

"In this universe?" He said.

Cas nodded his head.

"They are many alternate dimensions."

"I know…we have been to one that…" He said before he cut himself off.

He didn't know that if he should bring up Castiel's brother.

"Yes…I remember…"

He watched as Cas turned away. This probably wasn't a good idea and it was random but….

"Do you want to see a play?"

-SPNSPN-

"The children did an excellent job as the vegetables," Cast said thoughtfully.

"The dancing fruits were mildly amusing," He said.

He was really surprised when Cas teleported here. He would sure that Cas would teleporting to something like Macbeth or Hamlet. No, Cas teleported them to a kids' play about fruits and vegetables in the area. Maybe, Cas understood his need to be close to Dean…just in case.

"Yes…although, I felt sorry for them. It might have been hard to move in those costumes."

"Yes but most of the kids seemed to be enjoying themselves. Few of them were afraid but the teacher did an excellent job with them. Did you and Dean ever do that?"

He didn't think so. He knew that he never did a play like that. They always left before that happened. Maybe, it was something to ask Dean. He almost laughed at the thought of Dean being a dancing fruit.

"No."

"Do you regret it?"

"I don't think so. I didn't realize that I wanted normal back then. If Dean didn't do, I didn't either. And I'm pretty sure that Dean would have reminded me if I was a vegetable in a play." He said with a smile.

"I agree," Cas said with the nod of his head.

It was strange on how nice this was. Dean would probably make fun of them for going to this play. At least, it made more sense than their life at the moment.

He needed that.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome."

"And next time…I pick the play."

End of Musical Notes

Next Chapter: Rhythms with W

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I won't lie…I tear up during Carry On. XD Damn it, show. Anyway, thank you for the reviews. You guys are wonderful. Read and review if you wish.


	16. Rhythms with W

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Sam do a crossword puzzle and have a conversation about witches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

"This clue is very rude," Cas said as he stared at the crossword book.

Sam looked up from the paper to see Cas frowning at the crossword book that Dean got him. He hadn't had a chance to go through it yet. Knowing Dean, it would be a crossword book dedicated to porn or something.

"What is the clue?"

"What is a word that rhymes with witch?" He asked.

"You can blame Dean on that one. He found it for me when I couldn't sleep. I never got around to looking at it."

Cas looked up from the book and frowned.

"It does follow Dean's sense of humor."

He laughed.

"Speaking of witches…we seemed to come across a new one. Her name is Rowena. She is…interesting."

That was the polite way of saying it. Dean would call her something much more. Bitch was probably the nicer term than he could think of.

"Dean told me about her….in more colorful language, of course."

"Have you come across witches like that? We came across a few that hasn't made deals with demons….but they haven't been the good guy type either. Well…isn't true…there was an ex-cop and his familiar. They seemed to be exception instead of the rule," He said as he circled a possible case in the newspaper.

"I don't believe that I haven't heard this story." Cas said.

"We worked with this cop before on a case. That case turned the guy onto witchcraft. It turned out that he had a talent for it. Another case came to light…we got involved. It turned out another witch was killing because he was jealous. In the end, the cop wasn't cop anymore. Last time I heard, he was in Los Angeles."

"They are who don't have to make deals with demons. Some have their own natural power. Some are trained in the art. It seemed that your friend went along those lines," Cas added before turning back to the crossword book.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" He said with a sigh.

"No, it does not. Your friend is still a witch and that comes with choices…both good and bad."

"I understand that. It's just hard…those choices."

He understood those choices…perhaps better than Dean did. He hated those choices.

"You are thinking about the Mark."

He nodded his head.

"Dean is normal right now. I keep waiting for that shoe to drop. I don't like it. I have been searching for hours at a time and yet…nothing."

Cas paused for a moment.

"I have thoughts of talking to Metatron. He may have an answer."

He felt something light into his chest. It was something a kin to hope. He knew that he might not help. He was running out of choices and time.

"You might be right. How can we talk to him?"

"That…I quite have not figured out yet."

"We will find a way." He said.

"We will." Cas said with a nod.

He nodded back before turning his attention back to the newspaper.

"Sam?"

"Yes?" He said as he looked back up to see Cas's expression.

"Why is the pizza man in this book?"

End of Rhythms with W

Next Chapter: That Thing Called Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So…I brought back the crossword puzzle….and pizza man. Bad me…bad. I want to thank anyone for their support. Read and review if you wish.


	17. That Thing Called Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel forgot but in the end, guilt is still guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

"I never thought about her…once we left her with her mom. I never thought about checking in or something," Sam said.

"I thought…much like you that she would be capable hands," Castiel said.

He thought that he left Claire in good hands with her mother. At all, that is what Jimmy would have wanted.

"But you still feel guilty, huh?"

Many years ago, he would have said no. He had far more important matters on his mind like the end of the world…then heaven…then Sam…then Dean…a million other things came to mind. He never thought about Claire until recently. It invoked an odd feeling within him.

"Yes…but…it is strange," He said.

He wondered if he could put into words. It was an odd feeling that course through his body.

"How so?"

"I am guilty and I feel guilty about it. But it like….distant…more of a sadness. It is a strange sort of feeling. It is different than one that I felt before. I have felt guilt for the things that I have done to you, Dean, Bobby…to the world. And yet…this guilt is different."

"You know that not every guilt is the same. There is the different between taking all of the hot water and hitting someone with your car," Sam said with a pause.

"Maybe…I am not sure how to describe it." He said.

"I think that I do…and you can tell me if I'm wrong. You feel guilty about your actions toward Jimmy and his family. I thought same thing with Jess. Dean could tell you the same thing about Lisa. The thing is…those choices lead to a waterfall effect. Mine lead to Jess's death. Dean leaded for Lisa and Ben's memories having to be erased. Yours affected Clare and her mother's lives."

"Yes…"

"Cas, you got to understand this. You are responsible for what you did. Claire is responsible for hers. For the longest time, I took responsible for everyone else's mistakes and choices." Sam laughed for a moment.

It was a bitter laughter. It was one that he heard from the brothers' mouths before.

"Of course, I still do. Now, I understand…to a point that I can't. You shouldn't either,"

He said.

"I still feel guilty. I still wish that I could fix it."

Sam shook his head and patted his shoulder.

"Cas…everyone has feelings like that. We are doing now."

He frowned for a moment then tilted his head at Sam.

"What do you mean?"

"I am doing the same for Dean. You are doing the same thing for Claire."

"In a way, you are right. Unlike you and your brother, I don't know how much my opinion matters to Claire. Probably none at all."

"True."

"I'm not sure if I can stop her. I am not her father."

Sam nodded and waved his hand for him to continue.

"I might make the situation worse."

"Possible."

"I could get her killed and that would make Jimmy and her mother more displeased."

"Maybe."

"But…I can not do anything."

"I'm not asking you too."

He sighed softly.

"I'm glad. I want to help Claire."

Sam looked over at him and smiled softly.

"Sometimes, that is all it takes. Someone willing to help," Sam said.

"Even if they don't believe, they need it?" He asked.

"Especially if they don't believe that they need it."

End of That Thing Called Guilt

Next Chapter: The Inside Out Man


	18. Strangers in A Landry Mat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam talks to an old stranger/friend that gives him a not so surprising answer. It was an answer that he needed to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own them.

"You look better than the last time I saw you."

Over the years, Sam crossed path with many strangers from all walks of life. Sometimes, it was people that he met in bars to people that he helped. Sometimes, it was everyday things like the lady at the gas station or the cook at a dinner. Once in a while, he would cross paths with those strangers again.

Sometimes, those strangers become friends.

Sometimes, they become enemies.

He has to say that this is the strangest run-in that he had with someone that he met before. Nothing says meeting place than a laundry mat.

"Uhh…" He said.

He stared at the small Asian guy before him. He looked the same the last time that he saw him. His mind scrambled to remember his name. The guy looked slightly amused as he grasped like a fish.

"Theo."

His eyes widened at the name. God, he hadn't seen him in five years…hundreds if he included hell. He rather not thought about that.

"Yes…I remember now."

Theo chuckled softly.

"No, you don't but it is nice for you to say so. Have a seat. I just started the dryer. I will be here for awhile and I would enjoy the company."

He wasn't sure what to do. He just started their clothes…So, he took a seat next to Theo, who had a National Geographic magazine in his hand. His mind scrambled to remember what in the hell did Theo do…or did.

Maybe, he should have waited to laundry until they got to the bucker.

"I remembered that you taught…and you had a twin brother. How are you and your brother by the way?" He asked.

"In Europe…currently terrorizing the locals with his music. I pity them. I no longer teach. Currently, I am writer now and study languages," Theo said.

"Sound fun."

"Most of the time but others, it is very boring. How about you? Did you ever find what you were hunting for?"

He blinked for a moment. During that time, he was trying to save his brother…the world.

"Kind of sort of…Found it…then lost it…then found it again. Still trying to keep it…I also lost myself and others along the way too. Life happened and it kind of sucked."

Theo stared at him for a moment then nodded his head.

"It is an endless cycle."

"You're right about that."

"What are you trying to keep?"

His brother…his sanity…the scraps of life that he picked up along the way.

"My brother."

"Family is hard. They are our greatest joy and our greatest pain."

He laughed. God, he was right about that. Half of the time, he didn't what to do and other times, it was the only thing that he could do.

"Isn't that the truth," He said.

"What if you can't keep him?" Theo asked

He didn't want to think about it. He couldn't lose his brother again. He just couldn't.

"Not going to happen."

"Then you have a solution?"

"No."

They have looked everywhere for answers. Crowley…the angels …even Cain himself. Well, they can't find him. He had hoped that when they did find him, there would be awesome. But as of right now, there were no answers. It had them running around in circles.

He sighed.

"I could offer a little advice. You looked liked that you started from the beginning and made it to the end. Perhaps, you should wait," Theo said.

Wait…? Hell no…he had no time to wait. Any moment, Dean could be…just no.

"I can't."

Theo nodded.

"It is merely advice. My other piece is start from the beginning again. It is always rather tedious and can be equal annoying."

Cain.

Maybe…Theo was right. Maybe, he should start looking for Cain and of course…other sources.

"You're right. Thank for the advice."

Theo nodded. He glanced at the cover of the magazine. He still had an hour or more here. Might as well make it interesting.

"So…what is your stand on global warming?" He asked.

End of Strangers in A Landry Mat

Next Chapter: The Inside Out Man


	19. The Inside Out Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are nothin' but idijits…both of them. But by god…he hoped they figured it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own them.

They are idijits.

It was plain and simple.

He had no idea what Cas and Sam were thinking when they thought of this hair brain idea of theirs.

If he was still alive, he would hit them over the heads. He hoped that he would knock some sense into their heads. He knew better.

Those two are stubborn as a mule in a work field.

And yet…he understood.

He understood why Cas and Sam were doing this. Hell, he would be doing the same thing with much more sense.

Damn, idijits…

They are going give him a heart attack even if he was dead.

It wasn't the first time that they got him into some sort of mess. Like the last time, he couldn't be around to help them out of it. He could only watch on his damn tv as he watched Sam do the trials. God, it nearly broke him when he first heard.

Watching it….was another nightmare.

_"Are you sure, Sam?" Castiel asked._

_"I already started, didn't I?" I can't stop now," Sam said as he coughed into his hand._

_God…the kid looked liked that he gone to hell again. That wasn't a stab to the gut…he didn't know what was._

_"I know."_

_"You will take care of Dean, won't you?"_

_"Sam…"_

_"I know. I know. We had this conversation before."_

_"Sam."_

_"You know it as well as I that this might be the end for me. I just want to make sure that he will be okay and someone has his back."_

_"Sam…we have no idea how these trials will end for you," Cas said softly._

_"You said so yourself that my atoms are changing. I know…I know how these trials end for me, Cas. Dean hoped that I will make it through but you and I…we know better."_

_"And you don't? Yes, what I told Dean what happening to you can not be fixed. I have not lost hope that means your end. Once, I believe that you had expressed that you hope to survive the trials."_

_Sam smiled slightly at Castiel. He looked liked a damn broken puppy. That kid got more boxes of Lucky Charms out of that look than anything else._

_"I have hope, Cas. It just isn't the hope that you and Dean have."_

_Cas sighed softly._

_"This feeling is much like the one I had before you jumped into the cage."_

_"I'm sorry. I really am. I don't like doing this to you or Dean. I put you and Dean through enough."_

_"True but I can image that we have done the same to you."_

_"Cas…"_

_"No…Dean may not understand but I do. We put you through hell as well, Sam."_

_"Cas…"_

_"No. You shouldn't be the only one to take on guilty, Sam. I have my own as you put it…crosses to bear."_

_Damn it…he didn't get all choke up at damn angel's words. Hell, he was right and he knew it. Damn road paced with good intentions. All of them damn did it…for themselves, for others…for the damn world._

_"But promise me…don't lose hope."_

_Sam smiled slightly._

_"Man is, properly speaking, based upon hope; he has no other possession but hope; this world of his is emphatically the place of hope," Sam said._

Hope.

It was god damn hope that is what these boys wanted when they bugged the crap out of him. It was enough to drag him out of retirement for it. It was enough to go to an enemy for it. It was enough not to tell Dean about it. It was enough to try to save Dean.

It was enough to drive him nuts.

One thing that he did know….he was going to help these boys.

Even if it was enough to get him killed….again.

End of The Inside Out Man


	20. The Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know that road paved in good intentions. Sam and Cas walked so many times before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own them.

_The Book of the Damned…I only had vague knowledge of such a book. From what I do know, it is a dangerous book. Sam, is that wise? "_

"I don't have much a choice. It is either this or nothing. It is the same as you and Metaron. Honestly, you wouldn't have him with you if there was some chance that he would have your grace."

"You are correct. It does not mean that I have to like it." __

_"We don't have to like it. My first impulse is to burn book and run far away from it. But my second impulse is to research it and hope for the best. I'm guessing that you have the same feeling. You probably want to see how many molecules you can spread him across the universe."_

__"Yes…no…maybe a little. From his choice in music and his desire to visit every diner from here to my grace…I have greater impulse to do just that"_ _

_"Are you sure that he isn't leading on a treasure hunt?"_

__"It is quite possible but I sense that he has knowledge where my grace is."_ _

_"I think sooner or later that he will tell you. He is a coward."_

__"Agreed but a very knowledgeable one."_ _

_"Is that the truth?"_

__"How is Dean?"_ _

_"He is struggling. I can tell. Charlie and I try not to let it show but sometimes…"_

__"Sometimes, it does."_ _

_"Dean can sense it too. He can tell that he is uncomfortable. Sometimes…."_

__"What?"_ _

_"You can see it…when the mark took over, he could see that he is just lost in the kill. That scared me more than anything…it isn't before or during…it is the after, Cas. He just doesn't care until I snap him out of it. Sooner or later, I know that I won't be able too."_

__"Then you must call me when it comes to that, Sam."_ _

_"And do what? Lock him away. He will get out again and it will be ten times worse. I feel that the book is my last hope."_

__"Sam…"_ _

_"I know, Cas. But I have looked and researched. Nothing…I came up with nothing but this damn book. How many paced roads have we walked? How many good intentions do I hope to accomplish when I know that I might make this worse?"_

__"Honestly? I am not sure. I believe my actions have caused the same effect. I started out believing one thing and it turned out to be a lie….a game played by others. My path leaded down many destructive ends and hurt a great deal of people including you and Dean. I am hoping that this path won't do the same."_ _

_"That is all I am feeling. I keep hoping that I don't get anyone else killed. I should know better. This is going to end bloody for all of us."_

__"No… Man is, properly speaking, based upon hope; he has no other possession but hope; this world of his is emphatically the place of hope."_ _

_"You remember that? You can't use my own quote against me, Cas. It isn't fair."_

__"It is a well founded quote. I do not play fair."_ _

_"Hehe…I know. Thank you… I will call you if I found out anything else."_

__"And I will as well."_ _

_"And Cas…good luck."_

__"You as well."_ _

_End of The Damned_

_Last Chapter; How Does the Story Ends_


	21. How The Story Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows how the story ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Chuck's fingers danced along the keyboard and his eyes glued to the screen.

_Sam watched as his blood fell into the bowl. He could Rowena's voice telling that he needed to add more._

_He didn't know if he could give anymore. He felt himself to become light-headed and the world has become blurry._

_He had too._

_He had no choice._

Flash!

_To Castiel, it was a welcome home._

_He felt his grace flow through his veins. It felt much like a bottle of lightening…brief but oh, so powerful._

_He felt his wings again. Not some other angels' grace that has long past. No, his grace. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream._

_He just wanted._

Flash!

_Charlie was dead._

_Sam bowed his head._

_It was his fault. He should have destroyed the book. He should have listened. He should have…._

_He should have done a lot of things._

_But he won't allow Charlie's death be a waste. He is going to save Dean._

_The book was the answer._

Flash!

_Castiel felt like he had no control over his body._

_It was almost like he was outside of his body. He could see what he was doing but could do nothing. He felt the rage…the angry…the need to kill. He wanted to kill. He wanted…_

Flash!

_Sam looked up at his brother. He wasn't going to close his eyes like Dean wanted. He wanted to see…to remember him. He knew one day that Dean was going to come back to himself._

_He is going to regret…_

_There will be guilt and angry._

_There will be all sorts of emotions going through his brother._

_But at least, he would be his brother again._

Flash!

_She roared from the earth like a tornado. She destroyed trees, homes, and people as she passed. She sketched her arms into the sky. She felt the heat of the sun. She saw the stars and the moon hang in the sky._

_Most of all, she felt free._

Flash!

_To Lucifer, it wasn't a perfect fit._

_A smile formed on his face. It didn't matter really. He had time now._

_He had all the time in the world._

Flash!

"So, how does the story end?"

Chuck looked up from his keyboard to see an Asian man sitting across from him.

"You have no patience, Theo.'

"I have plenty but I don't have your need to clean "house", Chuck." Theo said.

"It is a very dirty house."

"And who fault is that?"

He sighed as he leaned back in his chair.

"I supposed that it is mine. I hope that my children would learn to clean up after themselves but…" He said with a wave.

"That is why you created the Winchesters. I had my doubts at first….but they have seemed to get the job done….even if they seem to make a bigger mess for themselves later or maybe…that is part of the plan," Theo said thoughtfully.

"You never know," He added.

Theo snorted.

"You know…I don't know why you are interested. Last time, I check this isn't your domain and you don't like to get involved."

"You got everyone involved. You have turned this into a rather messy affair. I have never seen such madness."

"And you are fond of Sam and Castiel. That is why you have been helping them from time to time."

Theo shrugged.

"I like them. You have Dean and Castiel connect instantly because of Castiel taking Dean from hell. Castiel and Sam? They worked toward their friendship. They made a lasting impression on me and my brother."

Chuck nodded.

"Castiel isn't gone, you know."

Theo titled his head.

"Another one of your plot twists…?"

Chuck chuckled.

"Maybe," He said.

"So, how does the story end?" Theo asked.

"Well…it involves space and aliens…"

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I thought that maybe…I should hint about Theo/Luan just a little bit. I may revisit this universe in the future since we now know that Cas is still around. I really enjoy revisiting these characters. One more time for the road…read and review if you wish.

**Author's Note:**

> I finish posting this on fan fiction.net. Since I post the original here, I thought I post it here too. Read and Review if you wish.


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